my health

A few months ago, I decided I didn't want a third child - mostly due to expenses, partially due to my health. I was "obese" after having Quinn, and I felt unmotivated to lose the weight. I had made a deal with myself that I would not try to conceive again if I was not back down to a healthy weight (based on my BMI).

Then I started Weight Watchers and working out with My Fitness Coach on the Wii. I have lost 25 lbs in the last 3 months, and I have 20 lbs to go to get to a healthy weight. As the weight dropped, I realized I might be ready to give pregnancy another try this fall. I'm still not 100% there yet, but I have always wanted 3 - even during the time I had given up on myself.

Pregnancy is also hard for me. I will be a 3rd time gestational diabetic if I have another. It will require insulin because it did last time. I may need it at week 4 or 5 already. That means checking my blood sugar 7 times a day and taking insulin shots 4 times a day AND following a diabetic diet.

I also lost my amniotic fluid with both prior pregnancies - at 34 weeks and 38 weeks. That is likely to occur again, so I will need twice weekly monitoring after week 32 or so.

I have had 2 c-sections so this will be my third, plus I have uterine varicosities (blood is pooled in that area internally) so I have a higher risk of bleeding out during the c-section.

That being said, I can work around all of it (I've done it twice before), and my OB and endocrinologist have said there is no reason I shouldn't do this all again. We'll just have to wait for my RE to weigh in and see what testing brings.

Thinking of all this makes me truly grateful for the two beautiful miracle children I already have! They are worth every second of every trial I had to face to get them.

restarting

Today I emailed my OB (how nice is that?!) and asked her to refer me to my RE so that my insurance will cover at a higher rate. Of course she emailed back and said she would. I will miss her when she leaves in June...

I scheduled a restart conference with my RE for May 25th. They offered to put me on the waiting list for a cancellation. Boy am I in a different place this time - I'm so carefree about it that I chuckled and said, "That's okay. I'm not in any hurry." I didn't realize how absurd that must have sounded until I had hung up. I was probably the first patient who ever called there who didn't want a baby like YESTERDAY!!

I didn't tell Ben I made the appointment. I'm not hiding it, I just want to go easy on the baby pressure. I also don't want to tell him that I may just go there, do the preliminary testing and never do a cycle. He would think that was a crazy waste of money, I'm sure. I look at it as testing the waters to see if my dream is even possible. I think about all the problems they could find, and I realize that I would be lucky if I was able to do another cycle.

a tough decision...

Ben and I are a bit at odds today. He used to say that he was on board to have 3 kids if I wanted that many. Today he seemed truly surprised when I told him I plan to meet with my RE to talk about trying to get pregnant starting in late August (after our big vacation). I just want to get any testing done before vacation so that there won't be any extra delays.

We aren't arguing or anything, but he says he is okay with 2 kids. I'm going to give him some time to come around. I figure it will take him about as long as it did when I wanted to try for the first baby. I can wait. Until August, anyway!